Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
