Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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