2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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