You can't motorboat a personality
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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