there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
not ubering you a puppy
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
