So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
