This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
