allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
