Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
