I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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