we have pet lesbian snakes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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