seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
