see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My ass is underappreciated
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
