We won't sleep together?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
