i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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