My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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