yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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