think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
