I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
