addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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