Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
