smell my finger.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
