Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
