Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
