I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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