I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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