What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
