Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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