Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
