just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
