wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he puts the penis in happiness.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I intend to get homeless drunk
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
