She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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