I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
