She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
