I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
