id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
