Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
