Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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