just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
