turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
