My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
