I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
