My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
