i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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