I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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