her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
