susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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