Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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