Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
