I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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