my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
