my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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