have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
