I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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