she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
