so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
