Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
