you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
